Shattered
by VintageVampire173
Summary: "Sam," I was going to ask him what he was doing there but the look on his face stopped me. It still haunts me when  I close my eyes, it was just so heartbroken and angry, I didn't understand how that look could be directed at me...


**A/N**: Hey guys, I've decided to post a little one-shot to tide you guys over until I can post chapter 5 of Soaked in Glitter. I know not all of you like Twilight (I have a love/hate relationship with it myself) but I'm hoping you give this a shot (get it, shot?) kekeke. I got the Idea for this from a song called Dark Girl. here's a link to it on youtube: **http:/ www. / watch?v=yedFk6iTErQ&list=HL1329771767&feature=mh_lolz** (just take out the spaces)

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I do not own the Twilight Saga or the characters used in this story.

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><p><strong>Shattered<strong>

I choked on another sob, I was so sick of crying. I think when I cry it just splits the scratches open again. _Get over yourself Emily. They're just scratches at least you're still alive. _I run my hand along the three marks on the side of my face. It still hurts, my hand comes away bloody. I know it could have been so much worse, but I can't help but feel like a monster. Who would ever look at me like I was beautiful again?  
>I used to be the most beautiful girl in the village, that's what my friends told me anyway. I knew I had long black hair and skinny frame, but I only ever prided myself on my face. I know that sounds vein but everyone has to like something about themselves. But now my face is ruined; there's nothing left to like.<p>

I feel the tears run down the side of my face again, not despair this time but anger. Anger at that monster who had done this to me. Sam. _Sam, why?_

_I had been minding my own business at the stream and Sam had come up behind me. I had had a crush on Sam for a few years now. It broke my heart when he went missing, but here he was right in front of me. He was so close I could reach out and touch him. "Sam," I was going to ask him what he was doing there but the look on his face stopped me. It still haunts me when I close my eyes, it was just so heartbroken and angry, I didn't understand how that look could be directed at me, I hadn't even seen Sam in two years.  
>"Emily," he sounded so controlled like he was holding back a tidal wave. I didn't understand why he would sound like that; the Sam I'd known had been so calm. "Go!" he shouted when I didn't move.<em>

_I flinched at his sudden outburst, but at least it held some emotion in it. I wanted to help him; I took a step closer and was reaching out my hand. "Sam," I tried to sound soothing. Even after replaying it in my head for a week I still don't think I saw the whole thing happen.  
><em>

_One minute Sam was staring at me, and then he started to back away. He started shaking violently; I didn't know what to do. Then the next thing I hear is the sound of clothes ripping and growling. Where Sam had been a moment before was a huge wolf. I barely even had time to wonder where it came from before it striked me across the face with its paw and bounded over me and across the stream.  
><em>

_I was too shocked to move. I was lying still on the ground with the destroyed side of my face in the water of the stream. I could see the blood rushing past me. I think I passed out. _

The memory going through my head again made me even angrier and the stream of tears came even faster. I wanted to punch something. It's hard to see past the wavering water in my eyes but they land on the mirror. The piece of reflective glass sends the picture of my anguish back to me. I cock back my fist and send it into the hard surface of the mirror in front of me. I hear a satisfying shattering noise followed by the endless tinkling of the glass as it lands around my feet. Good, at least now I don't have to see how shattered _I_ am.

"Emily" I hear a voice calling. I know that voice, I would know it anywhere, it's _his_ voice.

I don't know which thought is worse, him seeing me like this or him seeing what he's done to me. Both seem too painful to deal with so I turn my back to the voice and say, "go away Sam."

He doesn't go. I hear the door to the bedroom open and he slips inside. "Emily," I can tell he's picking his words carefully, "I'm sorry."

I don't think that's what he wanted to say, but I don't care. I don't even care that he's said he's sorry, I don't want to hear it, and I don't want to hear him say anything. I turn on my heel and I hear him gasp. Good. Let him for horrible. "Sorry? You think you can just come in here after a week and say you're sorry and that everything will be okay? News flash Sam, it won't be okay! It won't ever be okay! This" I point to my face, "won't ever go away."

Sam is looking at the floor. I want to walk over to him and punch him in the face but I think my knuckles are bleeding from punching the mirror, so I stay put. Sam's shoulders are slumped now and he looks up at me. Even now, when he looks me in the eyes my heart flutters. I hate that after everything he's done he still had that effect on me. I bet he doesn't even know it. "I know." He says, "And Emily I am so sorry, you've got no idea how sorry I am. I could live for a hundred years and not forgive myself for what I've done to you."

"Stop," I say softly. His voice was starting to shake a little and I could tell he really wouldn't forgive himself. I think he was mad, but not at me this time, he was mad at himself. I didn't want to hear him apologize; I'd heard nothing but apologies all week. I wanted to know _why_. "Just," I stopped and took a deep breathe, "Just tell me _why,_ Sam."

He took a step closer to me. I stayed put. "I was mad at myself. I was trying to cope with being a monster, of not having any control, of hurting everyone but having no choice but to hurt them. I knew I was hurting my family and Leah and all the others by running away. But I knew that if I didn't I might hurt them physically. But I ended up hurting you instead Emily. And I hate myself for it." He sucked in a deep breathe and reached out to touch my shoulder. "I didn't know you were there until I saw you, but the second I did I had this feeling. I've never felt like that before. It was like you were the only thing in the world, and I hated myself. I knew that you were the only thing I wanted in the world; I knew then that I had really broken Leah's heart in that moment. And I hate myself for that too, but Emily it didn't matter." He looked tired and broken when he looked me in the eye. "It didn't matter," he whispered softly.

"I-I," _don't know what to say_. I don't know what's going on in Sam's head right now or how I'm supposed to feel about it. My heart is still fluttering in my chest and I can feel his touch like a flame on his shoulder. The only thing I do know is that I don't hate Sam. I don't think I could even if I tried. So I tell him "I don't hate you."

He looks like that's the last thing in the world that he expected me to say. He opens his mouth and closes it again. He does this a few times and I just look at him with raised eyebrows and wait. "Why?" he asks.

Now I'm the one surprised. I didn't expect him to ask me why I didn't hate him. He must really think that he's a monster, not just a wolf, but a wolf in sheep's clothing. He hates himself, really truly. The thought almost brings me to tears. I wanted to hate Sam earlier now I just want to make him stop hating himself. I don't blame him for attacking me, how could I? He didn't want to be a monster. Who would want that? "I wanted to hate you," I started honestly, "but Sam I couldn't. Not even before you came to talk to me. I wasn't mad at you, I wanted to think I was but really I was mad at myself. Sam, I forgave you days ago, I was mad at myself because until now I didn't think you deserved it. But you do."

He tried to cut me off but I waved my hand to silence him. I wasn't going to stop until I got everything off my chest. It was true I was mad, at myself. I was mad because I was so defeated; I'd let Sam's memory haunt me for days. I told myself I was pathetic for forgiving him, but I knew it was just me looking for an excuse to be mad. "Sam you deserve it more than anyone else, I don't think I _could_ forgive anyone else. But you aren't a monster Sam. A monster doesn't feel compassion or longing, or regret. But you feel those things Sam. All the time you feel them."

Sam was shaking his head, he wanted to believe me, I could see it in is eyes. But in his eyes he was a monster. He took my other shoulder in his free hand, "But I am a monster Emily..."

I could tell I wasn't getting to him. _If you're a monster then I must be one too._ I didn't think I'd said it out loud, I didn't mean too.

"No. you could never be a monster" his voice was firm and his hands were squeezing my shoulders, but I didn't care.

"Then neither could you Sam" I'm not in the mood to argue with Sam. But I don't want him to go away. I realize for the first time how closes our faces are, I can feel his breathing on my cheek it stings, but again I don't care.

"Emily" he sighs. And I'm not quite sure who moved first but I felt it when our lips crashed together. Even his lips were warm. I felt Sam's hands in my hair and mine were resting on his chest. I could feel his heart racing just like mine was. I smiled and I felt him sigh.

If Sam was determined to be a monster at least he would be _my_ monster.

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><p>So I hoped you guys liked it. I took a few liberties with the characters. And I almost wrote "Leah" instead of Emily like 30 times. Way to go Holley, write the wrong ship in your own story. kekeke. I haven't read the books in a while but I remember that Stephenie didn't give Emily much of a story line besides the whole attacked by Sam and then gets Engaged to him bit. Reviews are lovely.<p>

see you guys soon  
>-Holley<p> 


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